Wedding Cake Topper, Actual Size

So this weekend is the prom, and my son is excited.

No, I mean the child is really, really excited.

You'd have to know my child to fully understand how trying he can be when he looks forward to something. He tends to get a bit obsessive. In fact, he broke up with his last girlfriend after she told him, "You know, your mom IS right. You do obsess over things."

At least he obsesses over good things, and it's with anticipation and not dread. If that were the case, that child would be the death of me. I've heard about prom and the ever changing plans for months now. I try to be patient, understanding, and not kick my child in the shin after hearing the same details 389 times in one week. I know it's important to him.

I think he finally got his prom budget down from about $1250 to $300 or so. He did want to rent a limo, and when he found out how much that cost, he thought they might go to dinner and a carriage ride before prom. Then he found out how much that cost. The next plan was going to dinner nearby, a nice, but not ritzy place.

The last I heard, he's driving my car and they are going for a BBQ at some girl's house before prom. And yes, he's changing out of his tux while he eats. That would be nothing short of disasterous. I think everything is under control and every last detail is worked out. Now, if I could start bleeding money, life would be grand.

When I ordered the corsages for him, I told the lady she could go the extra mile on his date's wrist corsage. She's a senior, my son's a junior, and they are going just as friends. I hoped a few more beads and rhinestones would make it more special for her because I know all about going to prom with a friend.

I was a junior, dateless, and for some reason, I had it in my head that I needed a date for the prom. Though no one asked me. I was the shy, chubby girl with glasses. I had plenty of friends, a lot of them guys, but I didn't have a boyfriend in my high school career. Couples from our "group" of friends were pairing up, and before anyone got the wild idea to play matchmaker, I picked up the phone.

"Lance, hey, I was wondering," I said. "Would you like to go to prom together? As friends, you know. Just friends."

I wanted him to know he was under no obligation to consider me his date under any circumstances. I knew he got dumped by his girlfriend a few weeks prior to my phone call, and I also had a pretty good suspicion that I was dateless for a reason. I was getting desperate.

"Yeah, that would probably be alright," he said. "I'm glad you asked me because I didn't want to go with someone who was taller than me."

You see, Lance was a short guy, and if I wore the proper costuming, I could be mistaken for being on my way to Munchkinland. It's possible that I was the only one in our class who wasn't taller than Lance.

I told him that I had a white dress, and I was going for light pink accents. I suggested he get a black tux. "I'd really like a white one," he told me.

"No, I'd really prefer that you get a black one. I don't want to look like a bride and groom. Get black with a light pink cumberbund and tie," I suggested heavily.

A few weeks passed. I had my fingerless lace gloves with pink and white ribbon trailing so low it was a good possibility that I might trip over the ribbon. I did my hair up in a bow, as it was the Madonna "Like a Virgin" era.

Lance and I needed to make our rounds to our family to have our pics taken. He showed up just in time, and when he got out of the car, there he was in a WHITE TUX. Not only did we look like a bride and groom, we looked like a wedding cake topper, actual size.

For the rest of the evening, everyone commented on how "cute" we looked, me at 5'1" with my big Madonna hair, and Lance at maybe 5'3". Oh wait, I wore heels, so we were the same height. I dragged him to see my mom at my grandparents' house. Then we were off to see his grandparents.

I could have been given a heads up that his grandma wasn't quite in possession of a full deck. We stopped by, and she insisted that she need to find the old Kodak Brownie camera to take our picture. She asked me several times who I was, and insisted that I was someone she knew as a child. Dementia, perhaps Alzheimer's before anyone really knew what Alzheimer's was. She was ready to go to the attic to get the camera when Lance's grandpa reminded her they hadn't used that camera in years. Then she started digging through drawers to find it.

Lance only gave me a shrug, and I was thinking, "Shit, you could have warned me as to what to expect."

Overall, prom with the theme of "Puttin' on the Ritz," for me was less than enthralling. We ate dry chicken in a decorated gym. At times, one might have been able to forget that the gymnasium and bleachers were behind the crepe paper streamers. We stayed until the formal part was over, and then we were given a half hour to go change, and get back for the all-night party.

The band was horrific, if I recall. They were to the chorus of Reo Speedwagon's "I Can't Fight This Feeling," before anyone "named that tune." The cafeteria had been transformed into a casino, with parents manning the different booths. I gave Lance all my "fun money," and I didn't see him most of the night while I danced with my friends.

Even though there was some angst over not having a real date, I did look forward to prom. I had a great time picking out my dress and accessories to match. While it was fun hanging out all night with my friends, I didn't really see what the big deal was.

As my son goes on and on about prom and how much fun it's going to be, it's taken all I've got to not caution him to not have great expectations that it will be the greatest night ever. Maybe he won't be let down or slightly disappointed. Though I'm sure he'll have a good time going with his friend. At least they won't start out the evening looking like something you'd find on top of a wedding cake.