Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Random Points of Disinterest

1. "April showers bring May flowers." The May flowers damn well better be gorgeous, vibrant, and ever-blooming. Seriously, the rain can stop, or even ease up, anytime now.

2. Facebook. I thought about doing the Facebook thing where you can select five people you'd like to punch in the face. After giving it careful consideration, I think it might be easier to select five people I DON'T have the undying desire to punch right in the ole kisser.

3. The new puppy. He humps everything. A pillow. A blanket. The cat. The dog doesn't stop humping. To add to the humpfest that goes on daily in my household, the old dog (that is about 13 years old, never been neutered or humped anything in his life) has started trying to hump the puppy. This must stop before I lose what is left of my mind. The cat probably would appreciate it, too.

4. My mother-in-law passed away. On Easter Sunday, we get a knock on the door from a Deputy. My first thought was, "What did the youngest do now?" Then I thought, well, maybe they are here because the neighbors complained about me burning sticks in the backyard. When he asked for my husband, I thought oh, holy hell.

The Deputy starts by saying, "I'm sorry I've got some bad news for you."

At this point, I nearly puked on his shoes because our oldest had left about a half hour before this. I thought surely something had happened to my son. That's when we got the news that my husband's mom had died.

For whatever reason, his family couldn't wait to get home to get our phone number to call us. No. They had to call the sheriff's department so I could have the crap scared out of me. The week that followed, including a road trip to NY, was not so enjoyable. But, that's all I'll say about that.

5. People. The next person who asks me to do something for them is going to get added to the list of people I want to sucker punch. Seriously. I realize I don't "work outside the home." This doesn't mean that I sit around eating bon-bons all day, leaving an ass print on the couch cushion.

See, I do this little thing called writing. Now, yes, I do realize that I only currently have the weekly column. This doesn't necessarily mean that I don't work on other projects on occasion. I also have to run around and clean up after these three little pigs I call my two sons and husband.

Let's not forget that I'm running around trying to dissuade dogs trying to hump the cat and each other. I have plenty to keep me busy. Do no assume that I have all the time in the world to do whatever it is you want me to do for you. I'm not here to serve, contrary to poplar belief.

6. Sleep. If I don't get some soon, I see a lot of random points of disinterest I'll have to share.

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